Only three days until the big day and one of the things that many towns and cities have been enjoying is a slice of Continental Christmas Market fayre. Something of the kind can be seen in Liverpool at the moment, which has its streets filled with wooden chalet-style huts from which grateful shoppers are expected to stop and buy. Except that they’re rubbish.

Only three days until the big day and one of the things that many towns and cities have been enjoying is a slice of Continental Christmas Market fayre. You know the kind of thing. If you were in Germany it might be called a Christkindelsmarkt and you’d be queuing up for you the chance to enjoy bratwurst in a fresh bread roll and maybe a glass or two of gluehwein.

Something of the kind can be seen in Liverpool at the moment, which has its streets filled with wooden chalet-style huts from which grateful shoppers are expected to stop and buy. Except that they’re rubbish.

Ever fancied buying some ethnic beads, “Spanish” paella (sorry, but isn’t paella Spanish by definition) or maybe just a fake pashmina? It’s all here and bears about as much relation to a German Christmas market as Liverpool does to, say, Hamburg – less perhaps bearing in mind that both are ports.

So why are we expected to find this sort of ersatz jollity appealing? Even in Germany, Christmas markets are generally for tourists and there is an air of kitsch about all of them. And yet, those in charge of the appearance of our towns and cities somehow think that allowing this kind of temporary aberration is going to enhance the appeal of a city centre.

It is not and given the choice, which shoppers are, these are things to be steered clear of. And there’s one other thing.  If you do visit this sort of affair in Germany you’ll probably notice that sausage in a roll will cost you a couple of Euros tops. In Liverpool by contrast, roughly the same thing is priced at around four quid. Why would you buy? This is the worst kind of seasonal retail – overpriced, exploitative and generally unpleasant. Less of this next year please.

On a rather more pleasing note, it is worth noting the Christmas wrapping shop in Liverpool One. This may not have the supposed reflected glamour of a Continental street fair, but it really does serve a purpose and it was busy. The unit had clearly been empty prior to its arrival and the idea of buying your presents and then having them relatively cheaply wrapped is appealing.

This is the last column on stores and associated paraphernalia prior to the new decade. Pull up the drawbridge, settle into the armchair and prepare for unhealthiness. It’s only once a year and is still worth celebrating. Happy Christmas.

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