Opinion: Christkindlmärkte over-hyped, overpriced and regrettably over here

Four days until the big one, when Santa descends and retailers slash their prices in the hope of enticing world-weary shoppers that they might just benefit from buying that extra gift.

You could head to a Christmas market, but for the most part in the UK they are a pretty tawdry affair consisting of Glühwein, overpriced pashminas and rugs and a few candles.

But they’re better in Europe, right? Well, yes and no, but mostly no.

“They deliver an experience to draw the crowds, but hard sales were not really happening… other than endless mulled wine”

John Ryan

A flight to Vienna this weekend should have provided a yuletide shot in the arm. But guess what – the Christkindlmärkte (there are several of them in the Austrian capital) were very much more extensive, but the majority were selling the same sub-par offering. As in the UK, they deliver an experience to draw the crowds, but hard sales were not really happening… other than endless mulled wine.

Good perhaps if you are a mainstream retailer in central Vienna – anything that gets shoppers out in the final weekend before Christmas must surely be a good thing – but it was hard not to feel a crashing sense of disappointment.

Back to the UK and on to something rather more upmarket – Somerset House, London is a posh place and at this time of year it plays host to art exhibitions, a skating rink, restaurants and a Christmas market.

Expensive but disappointing

This year it’s Fortnum & Mason that has rolled out the barrel with a Christmas arcade that runs along one wing of the neoclassical building on Strand. You would imagine it would be a bit better than the average market of this kind. It’s certainly more expensive, but in fact what it feels like is Fortnum manqué – this is a little slice of a very much bigger emporium and that’s about it.

Given that Fortnum & Mason is just a short bus hop away in Piccadilly, surely it would make sense to head on down to the real thing. The truth is that Christmas markets are not just lacklustre, they actually manage to take away a fair amount of seasonal magic, as well as being a distraction from the main retail event, rather than being any kind of boost.

A suggestion therefore for those in charge of allocating space to Christmas markets in 2016: don’t bother, or get stallholders to improve their offers. The shops are better. Bah humbug… and happy Christmas.