The weirdest jobs in retail

The bath bomb presser
Lush

Hersh Mustafa has been pressing the retailer’s famed “bath bombs” for nearly two years. His day is spent scooping up the ballistic mix into two halves of a round plastic mould, pressing them together and leaving them to set. He presses about 5,000 of the smaller bombs every day, or between 800 and 1,000 of the larger, more detailed versions.

It’s a job that can only be done by hand. “We prefer to make our products in big kitchens, as opposed to faceless industrial machines,” says Mustafa. “This also works out to be more energy-efficient.” It also means the products have an all-important rustic look. “It gives us our unique edge and means we can keep an eye on quality. You should be able to spot a fake a mile off,” he adds.

Working for Lush has another advantage, too. “If I go to the shops straight after work, the ladies on the tills often comment on how nice I smell and ask whether I work for Lush,” he laughs.

The pet food taster
Marks & Spencer

Just because M&S’s four-legged consumers can’t talk, it doesn’t mean you can get away with average-tasting food. That’s the philosophy of M&S senior food technologist Simon Allison, who has responsibility for pet food. Tasting the food is not actually listed in his job description, but Allison believes that if he can’t eat it himself, why would he want to feed it to pets?

He says: “I’ve trained my palate to look for ingredients that we won’t allow in the recipe, such as tripe. Pet owners react badly to the smell of tripe.” A p⴩ texture is ideal, he adds, “almost to the point where you could spread it on crusty bread”.

He even has a favourite flavour: organic luxury chicken dinner with vegetables for cats. “It has the taste and aroma of chicken and some of what you call the red flavours – things like heart and liver; gutsy, savoury notes. Then you get a mealy, green pea, pulse aroma and occasionally a sweeter note from the carrot.” Now that’s what’s called dedication to the job.

The light chasers
Selfridges

The Selfridges store on Oxford Street has 26,000 lamps (“people get this wrong all the time; a lamp is what people wrongly call a bulb,” says light chaser Paul Clymer, pictured left) on its six floors and so requires a team whose sole job it is to replace them. They work on a rota and change dozens of lamps every day – some take five minutes, others require three hours.

“We work very methodically, area by area, taking into account any emergency work that we would attend to as a priority. Without organisation and forward-planning, you can end up wasting a lot of time going round in circles. Mistakes cost money, time and extra effort,” says light chaser Kevin Hammond.

Their evening shift starts when the store closes and finishes at 4am, while the morning shift starts at 6am. Before they begin, they assess the precise materials, equipment and machinery they need. “It’s no good being 30ft up in the air on our flying carpet [the nickname for their hydraulic platforms] and realising that we’ve missed a lamp or something,” says Chris Mosdell, another member of the team.

They particularly enjoy working when the store is closed. “It looks like a great big empty theatre,” says Clymer. “It’s very atmospheric and slightly surreal.”

The clothes measurer
My-wardrobe.com

This is not a job for the faint-hearted. Trained seamstress Helania Gesicka has worked at my-wardrobe.com for a year and a half and has spent every day of the last three months doing nothing but measuring and recording clothing dimensions. And it’s not just the obvious, like the lengths of legs and sleeves. She measures everything – depth and width of shoes, heel heights, shoulder widths, you name it.

The reason for Gesicka’s meticulous measuring is to give customers a better idea of which clothes will suit them. My-wardrobe.com is matching every product to an extensive range of different body shapes to help customers choose the right clothes for them, and help minimise returns.

Because it’s a new feature of the web site, it involves measuring not only every new product line that comes in, but also all those in stock. Does she ever get bored of measuring, or sick of the sight of clothes? “Never! Every season is so different. It’s so exciting to see the new arrivals – and I get to see them first,” says Gesicka.

The signwriter
B&Q

B&Q’s handwritten in-store signs aren’t just cobbled together by staff on an ad-hoc basis; the job requires a dedicated team member to ensure it’s done properly.

Lauretta Hilton, who works part-time at the Gateshead branch, starts her day at 8.30am with a store walkaround to check which signs need updating. Armed with a list, she goes to her signwriting room and immerses herself in the task.

Hilton says it’s a tricky technique to perfect and she had to practise endlessly to perfect the sweeping movements and understand the requisite proportions of the writing style. “The standard rule is to have the price really bold and eye-catching, with the descriptions smaller,” she says.

Her job satisfaction lies in creativity. “I’m able to be artistic and I love the freedom I’m given to develop the signs. The ideal request is when someone comes to me and says: ‘I want to promote this product, what can you do?’”

The chocolate taster
Hotel Chocolat

Eating 40 chocolates in one afternoon is not all that unusual if you’re Eleanor Whalley. Her job is to help devise and taste every line Hotel Chocolat produces – and keep tasting them until a recipe is perfect.

Oddly, Whalley is not naturally sweet-toothed. “That helps, because I’m more objective,” she says. Because of the fat and sugar content, she has to spit out the chocolates, but even then she will absorb about 10 per cent of the sugar. For this reason, she doesn’t taste in the mornings – “too much of a sugar rush” – and even in the afternoons she has to be careful.

“I won’t eat more than 10 without a break,” she says. “Sometimes, if I’ve eaten too much, Angus [Thirlwell, Hotel Chocolat chief executive] will say I’m looking a bit white. That’s a sign I’ve had too much sugar.”

Her mornings are spent researching new ideas and flavours – but the proof is in the eating. “Some new ideas are revolting,” laughs Whalley. “Thyme goes down in history as being particularly disgusting.”

The studio concierge
NikeTown

Former athlete Denika St Helene is concierge at NikeTown’s appointment-only iD Studio, where a team of design consultants cater for the trainer-obsessed shopper’s every need. She is the first point of contact for all those in search of personalised, unique designs to adorn their feet. “I’m not a concierge in the conventional sense,” she says. “My role mixes management, marketing, event organisation and networking, among other things. I have to be well-versed about what and who’s happening in London.”

It’s also the perfect job if you want to hang out with the odd celeb. “We have VIPs in all the time, from sports personalities to movie stars to world-famous music artists,” she says. St Helene won’t name them, though. “I’ve got loads of juicy stories, but people expect discretion. They want to be pampered, to get a design session and a product that is unique to them – and that doesn’t include telling tales about them,” she laughs. St Helene says there are “too many perks of the job to mention” – no doubt she rarely has to worry about buying footwear for a start.

The sweet eater
Woolworths

“It can be a bit of a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory experience sometimes,” says Colin McCoy of his job as quality-assurance manager for confectionery at Woolworths. “Today a supplier came in with 10 types of fudge. I ate them all,” he says.

But a certain amount of gluttony comes with the turf. “We’d never expect our customers to eat something that we hadn’t tested thoroughly and that we aren’t really happy with,” he adds.

Aside from taking part in taste panels, McCoy’s day might involve working with buyers, meeting suppliers, discussing additives policies or visiting stores. Then there is the sheer number of products in Woolworths’ range to contend with. “In the Pic ’n’ Mix range alone, there are more than 100 SKUs and I cover the whole of the confectionery offer,” he says. “There are always new variations of a product and new ingredients I have to be aware of.” But he’s certainly not complaining. “Who wouldn’t want to eat sweets for a living?” he adds.

The perfume expert
Fortnum & Mason

Not many people spend their days surrounded by the heady scents of one of the world’s most expensive perfumes. Keith Morris is European perfume specialist for Clive Christian and when your customers are paying£1,260 for 30ml of Clive Christian No 1, you need to know your stuff – merely offering to spritz passers-by won’t do. The retailer’s counter at Fortnum & Mason is such a destination that it even has its own guestbook.

Morris started out in the perfumery world in 1988. “It takes years of experience to become a good perfume specialist,” says Morris. He takes the art of perfumery as seriously as many might take the art of wine-tasting. “You need a good memory for knowing the different notes of the perfumes and, obviously, you need a good nose.”

And expertise pays off. A bottle may cost more than a first-class flight to the other side of the world, but there are plenty of clients willing to pay the price.

The baby range tester
Firebox

Seven-month-old David Linton-Ford is invaluable to Firebox buyer Rachel Helyer, who purchases the retailer’s Firetots baby range. David may not yet have mastered the English language, but he knows how to get his point across.

“If he likes a product, he becomes more animated and his attention lasts longer,” says Helyer. “If he giggles, that’s usually a sign the product is a winner.” In fact, this occupation is probably the dream pastime for a baby. Payment is in the form of toys and the hours are short – he usually drops by the office about once a month.

It also looks like he’s passed his probation period. “We won’t replace him when he gets older – we’ll just use him for different products,” says Helyer. Thanks to David’s input, Firebox is now looking to expand the team. “We’re on the lookout for a toddler at the moment to test some products, so if anyone knows of anyone, let us know,” she adds.

Helyer admits she’s lucky to work with such a well-behaved baby, which goes to show that the adage about never working with children doesn’t always ring true.

The dog treat taster
Pets at Home

Marks & Spencer may have Simon Allison, but Pets at Home has a taster of the canine variety. Chief executive Matt Davies’ four-year-old black Labrador Archie (right) has a busy life as chief treat taster for the retailer. He generally works two days a week, attending any meetings involving the company’s range of dog food. Last summer, he had to work overtime ahead of the introduction of the retailer’s in-store dog deli, when part-time canine colleagues were also drafted in to help cope with the added workload.

Davies says: “Unusually for a Labrador, he’s very picky, so his reaction can be invaluable.” So if Archie turns his nose up at a product, would it be automatically rejected? “I wouldn’t quite go that far,” admits Davies. “But his input is certainly very useful – you never really know how they might sell unless you can get an idea of a dog’s initial reaction.”

Given that he’s never far from his owner’s side, Archie seemed like the natural choice for the role. Not that there were any other applicants… Davies concedes there may have been a certain amount of nepotism at play.

The sex toy buyer
Ann Summers

Assistant buyer Julia Schneider’s occupation is, without doubt, an ice-breaker at parties. “Women are usually very interested in what the role involves and how the products work, whereas men are more intrigued by what my job involves on a day-to-day basis,” she laughs. “The nature of the product means there are always innovations and developments occurring, so my role is constantly interesting, especially when we break new ground”.

Schneider’s role involves working on every aspect of product development, from labelling to packaging, focusing on sales performance, researching the market, attending trade shows and managing the development process. Some Ann Summers customers show what might be seen by other retail buying teams as an unusual level of interest in product development.

“We occasionally do get correspondence from the public, who may have had an idea for a new product design,” says Schneider. Customer feedback is always welcome, but on occasions this can go to extremes. “Sometimes we’ll even receive home-made samples, which are very interesting to see,” she adds, diplomatically.

The product breaker
DSGi

One day, you might find white-goods evaluation engineer Colin Belbin setting fire to a microwave or toaster. On another, you might find him trying to flood a dishwasher while passing 3,000 volts through it to check whether the overflow sensor is working. On the day he spoke to Retail Week, he had spent his morning dropping a lead weight onto a microwave door to ensure it didn’t smash. And he does all this to ensure customer safety for all white goods sold by DSGi.

Belbin has many tricks up his sleeve; he’ll test a microwave thermostat by putting a metal probe into a potato and overcooking it to try to set fire to it. “Anyone can break anything, but it’s difficult to break things properly,” he says.

Every time a customer makes a complaint, the product is tested. But not all the tests are dangerous and one complaint in particular required no further investigation. “We had one customer who upgraded their 1.2l kettle to a 1.7l kettle and then complained it was a lot heavier when they filled it up,” he recalls.